Friday, June 7, 2013

healthy poly relationships FTW!

I think I am officially in two relationships now; I am not really sure though as I will explain. This is interesting mostly because they feel healthy. Its not some kind of overwhelming your are my soul mate fantasy love. No its just two individuals who enjoy each other, spending time together, making out. The not sure if its a relationship part comes from, what is a relationship? How are these relationships any different than other relationships? Why does sex change things? So, I don't think I am actually in any relationships in the traditional sense. More I just hang out with folks that I like to be around and sometimes we make out and have sex. This is exactly what I asked for. It is odd because I miss that feeling, that rush that being in love brings but I think I am just not made for that type of love. I don't know. I could totally change my mind about this tomorrow after meeting 'the one'...

Mostly I feel like that part of me that has been asleep and dormant for so long is finally waking up and saying, ha shouting, I do really like sex. Years of having sex positive friends and being ashamed at my own inability to connect with people sexually. Years of telling people that I was actually sex positive even though I didn't show it. Years of doing sex positive talks. Years of identifying with sluts but never being able to claim that title/identity. I'm final unlearning all that negative shit that was put on me. I say fuck you to my ex. Fuck you to everyone who stigmatizes. So I am a carrier of oral herpes aka cold sores, as is most of the population. So we don't really know much about it or how it is transferred. I am over being afraid of "catching" some "disease". I am over feeling like I need to be 110% on the safer sex methodology. Harm reduction is a great thing. I can do my best and be okay with not being perfect. You never know I might come down with cancer tomorrow and then what... how many missed opportunities? how many people would I never be able to make out with or have sex with again? I mean how many opportunities did I miss already?

One of my new friends is really into non-violent communication. This is great because we communicate really well. It is refreshing to just have this open communication. I am not afraid to say something wrong or to be misunderstood. I am feeling really good about all this.

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