Wednesday, March 6, 2013

silver spoon

The only silver spoon I was born with was paraphernalia.
not that my parent were IV users but really what is the fucking difference.

Sober, dry, drunk. Repeat.
My partners have always been basically straight edge.
They stare in horror as I relive my childhood
and quickly turn to old coping mechanisms.
Maybe I should be better than that
Maybe they should have been.
If I cannot find strength and compassion from the one who supposedly loves me the most.
Then can I find empathy anywhere?

Can you hold my pain?
Can you hold all my pain?
Then how can you judged how I cope?
But they are always damn near straight edge…
Idk why they are attracted to me.
everything they are not.
Or that I am mostly sober, most of the time.
Or that sober is a goal. An ideal. An unrecognized.

Inebriation holding me in its arms on those lonely cold nights.
Comforting me to sleep.
Chasing the unrelenting memories away.
My other lover that holds me when they no longer have the strength to.
My other lover that holds me always.
I stand alone in this world.
Discarded.
Unloved.
Who are you to judge the only one who gives me solace;
The only one who always loves me.

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