Tuesday, November 15, 2011

being in tune with your emotion as a means of conflict resolution


Yes, I believe through being in tune with your emotions and the emotions of another person you are able to have instant empathy which is the way to do collaborative conflict resolution. Most conflict is seen as mine or yours. I see a lot of this as a sense of ownership (or as I was researching in the sexual trauma class, objectification.) Give the current situation the US has a sense of ownership/entitlement. What does entitlement feel like?

I met a woman at a conference once who said that she is learning to push into being uncomfortable. It took me a second to understand what she was talking about as I am always uncomfortable. She said that her privilege always for her to not have to deal with uncomfortable situations. She can just leave. So she makes herself be and feel uncomfortable. I thought this was amazing. I see a lot of what we are reading about is learning how to push into that uncomfortable space where conflict exists and actual go through the emotions WITH the other person. Find them in the mess of things and if they can find you too. Then both parties will want the other person's needs/wants/goals to be met. When we feel entitled to a person or resources we tend not be in touch with what their experience is. Vipassana meditation and Theravada Buddhism in general deals a lot with this idea of non-attachment. The way I understand it is that I am not attached to getting my way or to materialistic objects. I can also not be attached to owning a person's love, that's a hard one especially in our monogamous society. (For more information about this topic try: Against Love, Ethical Slut and Keep the River on the Right! )

In terms of mediation the difference comes in the fact that settlement means that some or both will win/lose. Not all needs will be met. There will not be an understanding if the conflict can or does get resolved will the underlying emotions. Probably not so those emotions will cause more conflicts in the future. So really what is the point of settlement other than as a last ditch effort. But even then usually the power differentiation causes the perpetuation of privilege.  My understanding (as I wrote in my other post) is that the concept of settlement is very individualistic. Whereas vipassana is very mutualistic.

It is interesting to me that something which is so individualistic helps the person become more mutualistic. There is a certain sense of self involved. A sense of the amount of space you take up. A sense of how you affect other people. A sense of how you move through the world as opposed to relating to the world as how it serves you. This is mutualism or Libratory/oppositional consciousness. I believe it is the next step in evolution. Hopefully soon humans will have an consciousness revolution. One day at a time, one person at a time until the hundredth monkey.

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