Tuesday, June 7, 2011

I am a turtle.

the words spin like lyrics from my mind.
My heart is my home,
my bike is my steed.
my backpack my shell.

Yet my heart is lost.
It found a home with you.
was it a lie.
when it felt so right was then
now it feels empty, lonely lacking.

it appears you have moved on so
why can’t I?
why can’t I leave people behind?
My path, my trail.
I loose people because it is so difficult

i sit and wait for you to climb up and meet me.
i sit and wait for days on end but you never show.
i don’t know how long to wait before I start climbing again.

my friends are concerned for me.
my tendency to fall in love with egocentric narcissists.
concerned for the what I say when talking about you.
i hear them in my head.
but my heart is deaf to anything but your kisses.

And I sit alone and it eats away at my soul.
I need to cut out my heart again.
I need someone to help me cut it out again.
i no longer require it.
it doesn’t serve me. I want to be without it.
it only brings me harm.
it only saddens me.

soul hearts serve what biological function?
love serves what biological function
I need to deconstruct it like a scientist.
put it on a lab tray and dissect it.
analysis it, describe its function.
coldly without feeling.
this is what I will do.

love is a fallacy.
an archaic reproduction function.

I will get over the what could have been.
I will get over the what should be.
I will get over the feeling of your lips against mine.
the shivers that it sent up and down my body.
the hard ons I would get every time I am around you.
i will get over the feeling of home I found in your arms.
I WILL get over the feeling of home I found in your arms.

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